The Newbury Girl

5 Healthy Ways for Overcoming Failure

March 26, 2019

Failure sucks. How we cope with failure doesn’t have to. Whether you’re a blogger, a student, a creative, or another working professional, failure is a part of life. We all go through periods of failure at some point. Unfortunately, failure (and the fear and disappointment that comes along with it), can lead to downward spirals and faltering confidence. If your perceived failures are weighing on your heart, read this post for 5 healthy ways for overcoming failure.

If you think you’re alone in your failures – you are not. In fact, I’m going to share some of my 2019 failures.

About my 2019 Failures.

I ended 2018 on a super high note. Not only was I feeling grateful for my growth, but I genuinely felt hopeful and excited about the future.

  1. I was going back to school to chase my professional dreams.
  2. I set a range of personal, professional, and blogging goals that I was certain I’d crush.

However, it wasn’t long before the realities of my life began to weigh my spirit down. The below failures started to wear me down.

1 | I Quit My Job

After a few weeks of working part-time and going to school full-time, I quickly realized that I couldn’t handle the workload. Even though I loved my job, I knew I needed to quit. My graduate program needed my full attention. This unexpected change made me so sad.

2 | I Had to Readjust to the Student Grind

By the beginning of February, my course load started to pile up. As my work load intensified, so did my anxiety. After years of post-undergraduate life, I felt ill-equipped to handle my work load.

Although I’ve always been studious, I can procrastinate. Unfortunately, I learned very quickly that procrastinating is not an option for graduate coursework. To do well in my program, I’d need to get my shit together.

3 | Loneliness Set In

By mid-February, I felt alone in my program. Even though I was ”surrounded” by other students, I struggled to make friends. It was at this point that I learned another hard lesson:

Undergraduate school is your life. Graduate school is only a portion of your life.

4 | I Failed an Assignment

By the end of February, I received a failing grade on one of my assignments. This is the second time in entire collegiate career that I’ve failed an assignment. Needless to say, I cried.

Unlike undergrad, my program does not offer the same tutoring opportunities for students who are struggling with assignments. Moreover, it is even more frustrating that the course that is the least applicable to my career goals is the one that is causing me the most turmoil.

5 | Lack of Motivation Consumed Me

Eventually, my stress and disappointment crept into every aspect of my life. Everything seemed tainted and nothing I did felt good enough.

In fact, I even stopped putting effort into my blog. Moreover, I actually took a two-week blogging break. More specifically, the only reason my blog was still active was due to the fact that I had pre-written so many posts head of time. Therefore, I missed all of my monthly blogging goals.

The Impact of my Failure.

I felt like a failure. A fraud. An imposter.

But most of all, I felt scared that I made a huge life mistake.  I took a big risk in moving home, quitting my job, and going back to school. What if it doesn’t pay off? I let this crippling fear of utter failure dictate my life and my emotions for weeks, before finally snapping out of it.

If you are tired of letting the fear of failure dictate your life, please keep reading for 5 healthy ways for overcoming failure.

5 Healthy Ways for Overcoming Failure.

Over the years, I’ve finally come to the realization that self-doubt is a liar. Self-doubt tells us to believe all of our worst fears. It poisons our minds, telling us that we are no good at anything. Moreover, self-doubt and fear are the voices that cloud out rational thought when faced with failure. These negative voices block our ability to remember our best qualities and proudest accomplishments.

Although it’s tempting to give in to fear of failure and feelings of self-doubt, there is a myriad of healthy ways to effectively cope with failure. The following tips for dealing with failure are methods that I use when feelings of self-doubt and fear attempt to paralyze me.

1 | Clear My Head

Before you start to actively deal with failure-driven emotions, it is important to clear your head. By clearing your head, you are capable of calming yourself down and detaching from overwhelmingly toxic emotions. Common methods of clearing your head include:

  1. Praying for peace / meditating
  2. Taking a Bath / doing a face mask
  3. Going for a walk / exercising
  4. Napping
  5. Artistic pursuits (coloring, drawing, painting, etc.)

The above tasks do not require a ton of effort or thought. However, these simple activities provide you with ways to calm down without needing to address your current emotional state head-on.

2 | Write or Talk It Out

One of the healthiest ways to deal with set backs is to have an inner dialogue. More specifically, when dealing with failure it is important to spend time reflecting on (1) what occurred, (2) how you feel about it, and (3) why you feel that way.

Take time to reflect on your personal experiences, either through journaling or speaking to a trusted advisor (family member, friend, counselor, etc). Reflecting back on your experiences will help you to fully address your feelings.

It is important to note – there is no shame in feeling like a failure. Not every emotion needs to be a good emotion. It is healthy for us to experience ups and downs. Therefore, there is nothing long to taking time to truly feel the full depth of our emotions.

Let yourself feel sad, embarrassed, or scared when you experience failure. However, do not let yourself wallow in failure.

3 | Create A Game Plan

I will not lie to you. Immediately after experiencing failure, it is challenging to snap out of a toxic mindset that prevents you from doing anything productive. Failure can feel utterly paralyzing.

However, there are ways that you can help to get yourself on the right path. List-making and and creating a game plan can be your best friends during times when you’re feeling low as a result of experiencing failure.

  1. Brainstorm a list of ways to improve your life now
  2. Create specific plans to help you accomplish the goals that you brainstorm
  3. Add measurable goals & time-frames to keep you motivated

The key in this step is challenge yourself to change your situation and move past your failure. Read this post on for more details on creating achievable goals.

4 | Read About Other Notable Failures

There are countless famous entrepreneurs, actors, musicians, and politicians, etc. who openly speak about their past failures. While I do not recommend celebrating others’ failure, there is some level of comfort in reading about the failures of others. Why?

By learning about the failures of seemingly ”successful” people, we are provided with hope that we can overcome our failures. Plus, we are able to better understand that we are not alone. We aren’t the only people experiencing failure.

5 | BE KIND.

What do I mean by this? Be kind to yourself. Remember, the self-doubt that comes from failure is a liar. One way I am kind to myself is to write down or say positive affirmations daily. I try to focus on the positives rather than dwelling on past negative experiences.

These tips for dealing with failure aren’t a magic solve to all your problems. However, trying one or all of these methods can help you cope with failure-driven fear or disappointment in healthy and constructive ways.

Failure is a GOOD thing.

Experiencing failure is a good thing.

Failure challenges us to grow. Everytime I experience failure, whether professionally or personally, I learned something valuable about myself or about what I want in my life.

With each setback I’ve faced, I developed my problem-solving skills and develop true self-confidence. What does this mean? True self-confidence means having the courage to take risks despite the possibility of failure. True self-confidence means having the courage to try something new when you aren’t sure of the outcome. True self-confidence means having the courage to carry on even when times are tough.

As a side note, since writing this post (nearly a month ago), I improved my grade in the course that was giving me trouble. Also, I am already working at another job that is less strenuous and more accommodating to my schedule.

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5 tips for dealing with failure

Did you find my 5 tips for dealing with failure helpful? Is the stress of 2019 overwhelming you? Check out this post full of wellness tips if you’re looking for ways to relax and love yourself.

Have you tried any of these 5 healthy ways for overcoming failure? What are your top tips for dealing with failure? What is the best advice you’ve ever received for coping with failure? Please let me know in the comments below.

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Comments

  1. You are not a failure. Graduate school is really hard. I had to quit my paying job in grad school (which I really needed) in order to work an unpaid internship that I needed to graduate. To make matters worse, I had to pay for the credits at my internship. Essentially, I quit my paid job in order to PAY to work. It was very stressful financially and emotionally. In the end, it all worked out, but I feel for you and wish you all the best. Grad school is hard, but it is totally worth it.

    Reply

    • Thank you for this comment, Beckie! At the time I wrote this post (back at the end of February) I was feeling really down because I felt like I just kept “taking punches” in a way. I thought about not sharing this post. In the end, I share this in case anyone else was dealing with or experiencing similar tough times, since social media can definitely gloss over those hard moments sometimes.

      Nevertheless, I need to remember that God is still providing for me in ways that I cannot fathom even when I feel downtrodden. Also, I think that the feelings of failure really can speak lies, as those feelings lead to further self-doubt and insecurity. And thank you for sharing your experience – I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in experiencing a financially and emotionally stressful time related to graduate school. (Again, I think little moments of failure can contribute to feeling like you’re all alone and no one can relate.)

      But I hope to one day be as accomplished as you!!! Very inspiring how you handle your ministry work with writing and championing others. <3

      Reply

  2. I can completely relate to you! I also ended 2018 on such a high note, so I felt like a big failure when the beginning of 2019 didn’t go as planned. However, I’m trying to be kind to myself (as you mentioned in your post). I’m also in school, so it does get pretty overwhelming to blog while having homework and tests to study for. Thank you for sharing this post – I enjoyed reading such a sincere, but helpful post.

    Glad you’re in a better place now! God bless you! xo
    –
    GABBY | http://www.gabbyabigaill.com

    Reply

  3. This is such a fabulous post! As children, we are encouraged to succeed but never actually taught how to cope with failure. It seems to be something we pick up as adults and we’re either good or bad at it. I love your coping strategies and the way you have turned these experiences into positives. xxx

    Ashley
    https://lellalee.com

    Reply

  4. LP, you write the most thoughtful, intentional, and helpful posts, no matter the topic. I know many can relate to how you’ve felt, me included. I went to grad school straight out of college and that helped me because I never got out of the school mindset until I went on internship and worked more than full time. Wow, was that ever tough to still wear my student hat. And many of us who go on to grad school are used to the high standards we set for ourselves, but like you said, we can’t always be perfect. Way to go figuring this out, pulling up your grade, and finding a more accommodating job. I’m amazed by you. ❤

    Reply

    • Aw thank you so much, Jennifer. I know I say it all the time but your constant support really does mean the world to me. <3

      Although I don't wish these feelings on anyone, I'm glad to know that I am not alone in experiencing these hard moments. I'm definitely feeling much more hopeful now (as opposed to when I originally drafted this post), but I wanted to share my experience in the off-chance that someone else would be able to relate and find this helpful. Social media can sometimes contribute to the feelings of failure that we experience, since so many of us only share the best moments in our lives and gloss over the hard times.

      Reply

  6. Such a great post. It’s so easy to feel like we are failing at things when we are holding ourselves to such high standards sometimes!! It sounds like you made such a huge brave decision going back to study and you’re definitely not failing! xxx

    Reply

  7. I really agree with what you said – it is ok to fail because it really sets you up for life. I think a lot of us grew up with the importance of success looming in the background. Even now, I hate failing at things but I try to step back every time something like that happens and reevaluate. I think there is so much pressure on people to succeed, and something I tell my students is that it’s ok to make mistakes because it’s those mistakes that we learn from (I know that if I used the word fail, parents will come knocking at my door!). The tips you gave are really good – I like the napping one and walking in nature. Both of those two things give me so much peace!

    Reply

    • First, thank you so much for this super thoughtful comment. Second, I am so sorry for the delayed response.

      I couldn’t agree more about the looming importance and pressure to succeed… to some degree I think having high expectations can be a good thing, but I think sometimes I still struggle with accepting moments where something doesn’t work out the way I envisioned.

      And a good nap can really boost a mood! 😀

      Reply

  8. You’re not a failure my dear. This is an excellent post, we all go through moments or periods like this at one time or another. I’m proud of you for figuring it all out in the end and accomplishing your goals. Now you just take your badass self and continue doing what you’ve set out to do.❤️❤️

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment – I think it is so important to acknowledge that we all go through times like this at some point in our lives. Also, I am so sorry for the very delayed response.

      Reply

  10. Hi, it’s my first time here. I love the aesthetic of your blog and I can definitely relate to your experience of dealing with failure last year. Thank you for the tips.

    Reply

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