It is no secret that 2019 has been a year full of challenges for me – personally, professionally, and academically. Despite the hardships, I know that I am constantly becoming a more resilient person. However, sometimes I can’t seem to escape my own anxious thoughts. After completing a grueling semester at school, I was surprised to find that I didn’t feel much relief. I felt empty. But why? And I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Is social media toxicity making us unhappy?
As a first step in getting my mindset right, I dealt with the negative effects of social media toxicity. I took a brief social media detox. I needed time to myself to declutter my mind, boost my mood, and escape the mindless social media scroll.
Ironically, after coming back from my break, I came across a thought-provoking IGTV video that inspired me to write today’s post. At a high level, this post explores the idea that our friends and social media are corrupting our minds. In turn, this makes us depressed. But how can this be true?
Please keep reading to find out more on how our family and friends are contributing to social media toxicity.
Research conducted by the scientist, Timm Kasser, suggests that individuals who live their lives for external motives are more likely to experience dissatisfaction, depression, and poor health when compared to those who live their lives for internal motives.
Internal motives are experienced when doing something purely for our joy or satisfaction. With these motives we are not moved to act by an external reward. More specifically, external motives are things like money, material goods, social status, or approval from others.
Interestingly, Kasser’s studies showed that achieving external goals did NOTHING to improve someone’s happiness. His finding highlights the fact that materialistic or external goals do little to actually improve how we perceive our lives.
In fact, his research found that individuals who lived their lives primarily for external motives experienced a lower quality of life. These individuals felt dissatisfied emotionally and physically. Comparatively, the research indicated that individuals motivated by internal goals experienced greater levels of joy and satisfaction. Also, internally motivated people felt less anxiety when compared to those living for external goals.
Junk food looks like food, but it doesn’t meet our underlying nutritional needs. In the same way, having junk values won’t meet your underlying psychological needs of having meaning and connection in your life.
-Steven Bartlett
Yes and no.
I once heard it said that the human heart (and mind) are like sponges. The heart soaks up whatever is surrounding it. In other words, the desires of our heart are wildly influenced by the things we consume, as well as the people who surround us.
So how is social media toxicity making us unhappy?
According to Nielsen, the average American spends more than 11 hours a day consuming digital media. This includes media such as television programs, online videos, radio broadcasts, mobile applications, online news outlets. In a world of Real Housewives, Kardashians, and Instagram influencers, our brains our being warped. Our values are shifting towards greater levels of fame, achievement, wealth, and the need to ”keep up.”
We use technology and social media to share our rosiest moments and greatest achievements. However, we use social media a measure for keeping up with our friends, too. How do we measure up? However, we forget that social media is not a perfect mirror of reality.
On a personal level, I know that social media tends to make me more unhappy, more insecure, and less fulfilled. Moreover, I find myself unintentionally fixating on the material things that I lack. However, I slowly realized that no material item can replace the joy brought by internal motivators and relationships.
Looking back at my life over the past year or so, I understand that I lived for the wrong motives. In fact, the comparison game ruled my life. Am I at the ”same level” as my peers? Do they have better jobs? Are they living in better places?
In 2018, my manager promoted me and I received a raise. Also, I adjusted my work-life-balance. Moreover, I was accepted to Graduate School where I was rewarded for my efforts with good grades. But I didn’t feel any happier. Despite these external factors improving, I still felt void.
I was focused too much on my “achievements.” Things in my life that actually make me happy and truly spark joy fell to the back burner.
After much internal exploration, I concluded that I need to do a better job at prioritizing my relationships. I need to focus on the things that make me happy, not what I see on social media. Social media toxicity and a lust for personal achievement can no longer rule my life.
Am I going to stop my graduate program? No. But I need to remember why I wanted to go back to school. My reason for going back to school was not to live a posh life. I wanted an advanced degree to expand my knowledge of marketing.
I may have been too focused on external motivators this past year. However, I’m working hard to shift my mindset by changing my habits.
If you feel empty after the infinite social media scroll, try the below tactics to prevent social media toxicity from making you unhappy?
Social media isn’t all bad. However, we need to be conscious of how often we find ourselves mindlessly scrolling through our feeds. Mindless scrolling often leads to negative self comparison and unhappiness.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Social media toxicity makes it very easy to live our lives in a constant state of comparison. We begin to live in pursuit of others’ approval rather than our own satisfaction.
Also, I feel it is important to mention that it is okay to want a nice job or home. However, material factors shouldn’t be the only things motivating us to achieve our dreams.
Is social media toxicity making us unhappy? Please click here to watch the video, originally put together and shared by Steven Bartlett, a speaker who focuses on inspiring others.
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Looking for more personal and wellness-driven posts? Check out my tips for showing yourself some love and dealing with failure.
What do you think about Kasser’s findings – do you agree that internal motivators lead to a greater sense of inner peace and joy? Have you ever done a digital detox before?
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[…] Is Social Media Making Us More Toxic and Unhappy? — It is no secret that 2019 has been a year full of challenges for me – personally, professionally, and academically. Although I know that I am constantly becoming a more resilient person, sometimes I can’t seem to escape my own anxious thoughts. After completing a grueling semester at school, I was surprised to find that I didn’t feel much relief… but rather, I felt empty. […]
I do think social media can take a lot of blame for the way society is going. We don’t speak to each other we DM and message and who really picks up an actual phone to call someone now. I love a good social detox x
I agree – there are so many people who I “follow” online, but avoid in person! I know that is something that I need to work on with myself, but I agree that social detoxes are so important for our mental health.
Couldn’t agree more with this 💯
It took me a long time to realise how social media has been affecting my mental health from so long.
You’ve written this beautifuly with proper points and research 💯
Thank you so much for this! Can’t help but relate to this post, especially at this point in my life. I have been so overwhelmed with everything happening in my life and social media has only made me feel worse. It’s hard to take a break from social media without the fear of losing engagement, but sometimes it’s absolutely necessary for the sake of your mental health.
Much love always,
GABBY | http://www.gabbyabigaill.com
I agree with you completely – this is part of the reason why I’ve been so MIA on Twitter and IG. I feel a sense of relief whenever I take a break even though it does affect growth and engagement, but I always come back around and when I do, I feel much better.
Needed this post today – I’ve found myself getting so angry recently and it’s mainly down to getting sucked into arguments on social media and things like news sites. I’ve made the decision to completely detox over Litha (which starts tomorrow) and hoping it will make a difference! That’s really interesting about internal and external factors too – I’ll consider this next time I set goals.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been made to feel angry due to online arguments and discouraging news. A detox is always so helpful – such a great way to refresh your mind since we take in so many thing subconsciously that we don’t even realize we do! Wish you all the best if you start a digital detox this summer!
Such a smart and insightful post, LP, as always. I could benefit from so much of this. Social media definitely affects my mental health, too, and I tend to replace one thing with another. Thanks for this. ♥️
Thank you so much! That’s what I’m trying to be cautious with – I’m currently giving up Netflix/YouTube/VOD through July, but I need to be careful not to replace it with something just as mindless (like IG or Twitter).
My last digital detox was Easter Weekend when I was with brother 3, wife and baby bc we are trying to not be on the phone around him. It was the most amazing weekend – I had planned on doing social media and staying “on top” of things while I was walking the nephew and he was napping but it turned out that I couldn’t manage to push the pram and look at my phone at the same time.
FInding that it didn’t drastically affect my blogs overall stats for the month gives me more confidence to do it again; although I need an external motivation to put my phone away (which I know seems counter to this post).
I don’t think I get down because of SM though, I don’t think I tend to do the comparison game as much because of my personal situation meaning that I know I’m on a different path with different timings and goals to most of my peers. Social media does give me a connection though, which I find it very easy to go “that’s enough peopleing for today” and turn the app off (I also turned off all notifications a while ago).
That sounds like it was such a lovely weekend – and I’m so glad to hear that social media helps you to connect with others!! That is one definite benefit to social networking. Thank you for your comment!
Honestly, I think it’s a mix. As long as used correctly, social media can be great. It’s very easy to accidentally use it in a damaging way though, unfortunately.
I agree – for a while I’ll be doing really well with managing how I use it, but then sometimes outside forces can contribute to me using it in a way that becomes unhealthy. Trying to work on that though!
This is a good wake up call though! I feel like my time on social media increased A LOT since I blog and sometimes it’s so overwhelming… And I have to admit that I sometimes am too focused on materialistic goals instead of internal motivation.
Honestly – same. I was doing SO well with my spending and my digital screen-time, but once my blog started to really flourish, I started to develop some unhealthy financial and social habits. Trying to strike that balance though!
I really need to find balance too.. haven’t really found it yet
I do believe it has played a part in our downfalls. But we have to take a step back sometimes and see whats happening. I think in small doses and knowing when and how to cut back on it, it should be fine.
I definitely agree with you – I think it’s all about striking a balance. Thank you for your comment!
Digital detox! I need this! I can believe the average person spends 11 hrs a day on media. While I’m at work, I use the computer for nearly 8 hours! Technology seems to be taking over our lives.
Great post. I really love your blog posts!
Aw thank you so much for this comment. And I agree – it was a little shocking at first, but it does make sense since so many of us are on computers for work!
Digital detox… And unfollow toxic people, sound advice! It can be really hard ro unpick some of these things and create distance Xx
Definitely agree – it can be hard to distance ourselves from toxic friends online sometimes, but totally think we’re better off for it!
Interesting post! I’m always in two minds about the effects of social media and I’ve done a couple of posts on it before too. I think it can be so damaging the way we compare ourselves all day long, but there are also a lot of positives that come with social media too, especially with blogging! Deffo think it’s good to detox once in a while! Loving your blog by the way!
Alice xx https://alspalss.wordpress.com
Def agree that there is a lot of good and bad that can come with social media and it likely varies from person to person. For me, I’ve noticed that social media really triggers me to spend money … especially Instagram so detoxing is def necessary sometimes. Thank you for your comment. <3
Totally agree, just need a break once in a while that’s all😌
This was a good read I like your post. I agree as well👍🏽